I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
