New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
