oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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