Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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