So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
