Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
When did angry sex become our thing?
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Randomize
