she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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