i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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