Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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