i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
