You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
