guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
