When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
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