he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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