It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
