there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
