he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Randomize
