i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
