tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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