that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
