My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Is it because I queefed?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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