Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
