there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
