Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
