eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
