she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
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