he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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