Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
