You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Randomize
