cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Randomize
