my mouth tastes like poor choices
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
