we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
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