thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
