What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
