im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
