"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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