you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
