It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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