she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
