We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
