i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
