My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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