i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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