Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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