I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
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