for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
