# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
