Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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