I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
