Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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