Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I will be naked everywhere
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
